i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
