4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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