I wish I could punch you in the face.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You may now shotgun with the bride
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
