he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The uberlube is also flammable
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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