She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
