You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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