My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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