Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
