I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
