he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
