Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
