life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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