phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
