Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize