I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
