My nipple is on Facebook.
Non-Jews are for practice
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
