Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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