Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
