I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
