I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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