i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
