So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
this hospital has no fireball
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
