Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
