I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
