A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
