It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
