he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
