you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
