We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
