so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize