I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
