Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
