i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
