you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
