You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
