can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
