We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
there is puke in my bra ... again
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