Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
