Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
