You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
