You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
