i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
