brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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