it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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