Ambien. No doubt about it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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