i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You can't motorboat a personality
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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