I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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