I'm so fucking centered right now
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
