i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
