my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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