Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
