My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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