I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
