Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
