Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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