My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize