I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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