is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize