god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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