Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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