i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
