yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
it's like iHOP with fire
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
