Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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