even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
