What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize