The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize