Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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