My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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