We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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