I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm bleeding and have questions
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
