Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
