How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Congratulations! We have a period
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
