I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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