I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
