dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He better not be in your backpack
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
